He Knows Best
Can I just tell you how perfect and amazing God is? I know, I know. You've heard it a million times before and at this point it probably comes across as "blah blah blah", but I have GOT to share this.
We always pick up our mega speakers and proclaim how perfect God's timing is and how we just need to trust Him and trust His plan. It's really easy to say, but not always easy to do or even believe at times. I mean, we WANT to believe it to be true, but sometimes in the moment we truly think we know best or can't possibly understand how God's way could be the better way. Something doesn't add up or something doesn't make sense when we write it all out. BUT, sometimes we listen to that inner voice and decided to set our own understand aside and trust that God's got this.
Sometime it takes months or even years for us to see God's plan pan out. Sometimes we never really know if we made the right decision. But today I have a story for you that will make you smile (I hope) and maybe even open your eyes, just a little, to God's amazing "behind the scenes" work.
This past summer I felt "the nudge". You know, that feeling you get inside that just doesn't go away. It's like all of a sudden you feel lead to make a decision that wasn't even on your radar. You try to say it's just boredom or random thoughts, but this doesn't dissolve away when your schedule gets busier. This thought or idea sticks, and pushes, and knocks, and frankly doesn't leave you alone.
I felt this way the summer before we got pregnant the first time, and I was feeling that way again this past summer. It came out of no where. I wasn't even thinking of another child after all the horrible post parting depression I crossed paths with. But, because it had felt this way once before I knew I had to bring it up to my husband, Alex, again.
We talked it over. "Is this the right time to add to our family? Our finances? Our schedule?" "Are we sure we can handle a second child?"
Initially, we came to the conclusion that we would wait six more months and then come back to the conversation.
When the Holy Spirit (you know that inner voice I mentioned earlier) is trying to get your attention, He does not let it go.
I couldn't find peace with the decision to wait six months. It wasn't "baby fever". I honestly would have been fine waiting. I had only been back to normal emotionally for 3 months. The PPD I dealt with was brutal and took a lot out of me. And yet, I STILL could not settle with the decision to wait.
So, after discussing it with Alex again, a whole lot of praying, and some "counseling" with trusted Christian friends, we came to the conclusion that if God nudged us to have a baby the first time, and took care of us through the entire process, then He would take care of us this time too. All we had to do was say "yes Lord" and let Him take care of the details.
Honestly, we still didn't have a clue if we would get pregnant right away. We could have made the decision to try and God might not have blessed us with another pregnancy for months. But, resting in His timing and His plan was better than trying to figure it out on our own.
I had a feeling, though, that if He nudged and pushed that hard, we probably would get pregnant pretty quickly.
And we did.
That same exact month.
If anything, that was just the confirmation we needed that we had made the right decision. Ahhhh. Isn't it nice to rest in all knowing God's plan?
Okay, fast forward a little bit. We have had nothing but problems with health insurance and once again we were having to find a new insurance for 2017. (Cue the angry face emoji.) Switching insurance for the new year is one thing. Switching in the middle of a pregnancy? Just perfect.
We picked a plan that was "affordable" and covered the remainder of my prenatal care. (Or so we were told.) However, I found out after the fact that my new insurance did not cover ANY routine ultra sounds. I would be responsible for the cost...in full.
Um...what?! Although I was told that my routine prenatal care would be covered at 100%, apparently routine ultra sounds are separate.
Here we go again...
My 20 week ultra sound, the biggest, most expensive, and LAST routine ultra sound for this pregnancy had already taken place! I had it only two weeks before the new year. Only two weeks before my new insurance kicked in.
Do you see what that meant? My old insurance, which DOES cover routine ultra sounds, was still active when I was 20 weeks and ready for what would have been a very expensive procedure. I also don't have to do anymore routine ultra sounds the rest of my pregnancy!
God knew. He knew that we would have to switch insurance for financial reasons. He knew that we wouldn't be told the correct information. He knew that the ultra sounds wouldn't be covered on the new plan. He knew the perfect time for us to get pregnant in order to avoid a high cost ultra sound and still be covered by the old plan.
What if we had ignored His whispers? What if we had stuck with our "safe plan" of waiting? What if we hadn't obeyed the nudge?
Even two weeks later and we would have been in a rut. A big rut. Would God still have been with us in that rut? Of course he would! BUT, to look back and see even a small detail work out for the best because we listened is such a relief. It's reassuring. It's hope-filling. It's encouraging.
Thank you God for nudging me and getting my attention. Thank you for always having the most perfect plan. Thank you for figuring out all the details so we didn't have to worry. Thank you for lavishing on us grace and peace and love. You truly are an amazing God.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
“I did this so you would trust not in human wisdom but in the power of God.
No, the wisdom we speak of is the mystery of God —his plan that was previously hidden, even though he made it for our ultimate glory before the world began.
That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets. No one can know a person’s thoughts except that person’s own spirit, and no one can know God’s thoughts except God’s own Spirit. And we have received God’s Spirit (not the world’s spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us.
For, “Who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 2:5, 7, 9-12, 16 NLT